Savor

(This post was written the week of July 1st.)

Last week, Honora, my oldest was sick.  She would wake at night in pain, and I found myself praying that somehow I could trade places with her.  She would seem to get better, and then a couple days later she would be sick again.  We were then just a couple weeks away from leaving for Africa, and I could feel the fear creep into me.  What if she is really sick?  What if we don’t figure it out, and then we are in Africa and the help she needs is not there?  I am good at worrying. 

Feed your hopes, not your fears.  I read that on a bumper sticker this morning.  These are words of wisdom I should take to heart.  Well, I am trying, not successfully, but there has been a great deal of effort put forth.  It has to count for something, right?

I have had both peaks and valleys in my life.  It is interesting to me that some of the greatest gifts in my life have been found, not on the peaks, but in the valleys.  While I spend all the time in the darkness hoping and praying to be out, looking back on it I wouldn’t trade those struggles for the world.  The gifts found there have been so great that I have been known to pray for valleys.  It is a prayer that I whisper, and then I hope that God didn’t hear me.  The panic then sets in, because God always hears, and valleys, well valleys are all kinds of inappropriate words that I have to continue to edit out.

The past six months have been difficult.  We have dealt with more illness than we had in the previous six years (thanks in large part to extensive travel and exposure to new germ pools and we have not left the country yet!?!).  We have been far from family and friends at times that we really long to be close.  We have moved into a community of strangers and had to figure out the balance of living well together.  Most difficult of all has been our long list of goodbyes.  Goodbye to work we love.  Goodbye to home.  Goodbye to loved ones, and goodbye does not get easier with experience.

Valleys, yuck.

I said something about gifts in the valleys, right?

They are there.  I just have to wake up to recognize them.  There is nothing like goodbye, to rouse me from the slumber of all that I take for granted.  There is nothing like illness to make me savor the bliss of health.  We have been given the opportunity to recognize our blessings and the space to communicate our gratitude.

Valleys are not so bad, when balanced with the gifts.  Living in gratitude is a gift.

Seeing things that were ordinary with new eyes; family, friends, hot showers, washing machines, dryers, cheese and ice cream.  There is nothing like the prospect of not having something at my fingertips to savor it all the more.

One more week of hot showers.  One more week of comfort food.  One more week of familiar faces before we head home to a place we have never known.  

- Maura