The Magi

“It is not easy.”  This is a common phrase here in Cameroon.  When the water or electricity goes out or I am carrying the week’s groceries home on my back, it is not uncommon to hear “it is not easy.”  I think this is said to acknowledge the difficulty and struggle of your neighbor, but I often find it frustrating because hearing “it is not easy” does not actually make it easier.  I want it easier.  

The other night Ryan pulled this line out for me and I found myself saying, “I do not want to hear it.”  Not really what I would expect a missionary to say, but here is the thing, I often do not feel like I fit the bill as “missioner.”  I am just a girl that likes pretty things and cleanliness and good food.  I believe deeply in the purpose of our being here.  I often just feel like I put on a pair of shoes that are three sizes too big for me, and I am not quite sure if I am actually capable of growing that much.

In the movie The Nativity, there is one scene where the three kings have identified the star from their observatory.  They are discussing the meaning of the star, and the wise man among them says “we must go.”  My alter ego replies “we can observe the star from here.”  The wise man persists with “we must go.”  My character replies “but what about my instruments . . . and cushions.”  That is me.  I find myself at the manger, but I have traveled with hesitation.  

Yet even with my hesitation and desire for creature comforts the song of my soul wins out.  Immanuel, “God with us,” and my soul sings “TRUE.”  I see God every time I travel outside of my small interior world.  I see God in my brother, neighbor, husband, child.  I see God in the old woman that carries her firewood and hoe on top of her head.  I see God in the father that lost his 12 year old son three days ago, and has brought his 2 year old daughter into clinic today.  I am reminded that our God, who is Love, expressed this love in being with us, and I remember why I am here.  We are here to be one, as He is one, for “We are together” as they say in Cameroon.  Whether I am in Cameroon or the U.S. the challenge is the same.  I am called to come out of myself and live in the communion of relationship with God and my neighbor, and believe and live as “we are together.”  

-Maura